I’m about to rant about my inward struggles. Although this is what blogging is all about, if you’re not interested (and I wouldn’t blame you) then just don’t even bother reading this. No hard feelings. Just need to say these things to the world for some reason.
Bullets serve this post well…
- I’m tired of being disconnected and disorganized.
- I’m tired of double-booking.
- I’m tired of not getting work off in time and messing up more important things.
- I’m tired of leaving my keys in inconvenient places (my apologizes to Tim and Alyssa).
- I’m tired of making dumb, costly mistakes.
- I’m tired of how messy my room is.
- I’m tired of how my stuff is all over the house, unlike the other guys.
- I’m tired of how much I suck at studying.
- I’m tired of how pseudo-ADD I am.
- I hate that I still don’t know where my glasses are.
- I hate that my guitar still has mismatched strings.
- I hate that I run my car into things.
- I hate that I run my car into things right after the car becomes legally mine.
- I hate that I run my car into things right after we reduce my insurance to liability only.
- I hate that I have two court dates set due to my careless driving.
- I hate that all I do is wish I was better at school, or even that I liked it, or appreciated it.
- I hate that I re-wear socks every day.
- I hate that my bank accounts are a mess.
- I hate that as soon as I pay off my Credit Card again, I have to use it for some huge, unexpected thing.
- I hate how much money I owe my dear parents.
- I hate how they pretend like they don’t mind that I’ve never been able to pay them even a little, expect for my computer.
- I hate how I had to sell my iMac back to my Dad (see “I hate” line above).
- I hate how I don’t even have a whisper of direction in my life.
- I hate how I constantly blame God for that.
Could I go on all day? Yes. I’m stressed because I am a mess.
Am I happy? Confident? Satisfied with my lot in life?
Absolutely. Joy is all over me. Jesus is completely my strength.
So what’s the deal? God is still unreasonably good to me. I believe that. I am just a sloppy, undependable steward of his blessing and favor.
- I hate that I’m a sloppy, undependable steward of his blessing and favor.
- I hate how I’ll get to heaven and still hear “Well done my good and faithfull servant” no matter what I do down here.
- I hate that God will sincerely mean that, and means that even today.
- I hate that I don’t understand that kind of grace.
Sorry you read that whole thing, thanks though.
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May 8, 2009 at 8:30 am
Cherry Cola
hey is it okay if i highlight some of the things on ur list and put them on my blog. i could just take it and quote u but i thought that would be inappropriate without ur permission or something.
May 27, 2009 at 11:02 pm
seanmichaelbrage
for what it’s worth:
*You’re the greatest drummer I’ve ever played with. I don’t say that to just blow smoke, you’ve got a brilliant ear and brilliant hands, and I hate playing with anyone else.
*You have a unique and ginormous anointing on you for worship, but also for relationships. I don’t know a single person whom I’ve introduced you to that doesn’t love you like crazy, even after only a few minutes.
*You’re doing what you’re supposed to, where you’re supposed to. Don’t ever lose sight of the eternal value our finite actions can have.
July 9, 2009 at 10:50 pm
olivekub
hey, you do some good with the rants, unknowlingly so. You see, I identify plainly and shamelessly with a lot of things in your list, and of course I read it all, because I am thorough like that. It’s good of you to write this, because I have yet another person who knows what I know. That is…chaos.
We’re all messes, but at least we get swept up together.
Commonality. It’s a beautiful thing
post script: was the line about messes a tad cheesy? Yes? I thought so too….